Tears
by Dawnie Grrl
Summary: Lovino hates crying, so not once will he ever allow himself to cry. Not even when his heart is completely broken and shattered and he is run down and tired. Or maybe, in a special case, he would? (Mentions of past!Spamano and SpaBel)
1. Never Once Will Tears Fall

Crying was something foreign to Lovino.

Crying meant showing weakness, and Lovino couldn't afford that.

So when his parents' arguments got out of hand, he wouldn't cry. He would simply hold his younger brothers tightly and whisper soothingly to him.

When his parents divorced, he wouldn't cry. He just hugged his brothers goodbye with a promise of meeting again before taking his father's hand and leaving them both behind.

When his father began drinking and smoking, he wouldn't cry. He would simply wait until his father was sober or passed out, and then he would clean everything up and leave aspirin on the table next to him.

When his father began beating him, he wouldn't cry. He would stay quiet and not let even the smallest tear out. Sometimes he would plead for him to stop, but he never cried. Afterwards, he would clean himself up and go to bed.

When his father died in a drunken car accident, he wouldn't cry. He felt no remorse for that man. His brothers may have cried, but he didn't. He would just comfort his brothers like he did when they were children.

When his mother died and he had to care for his brother all on his own, he wouldn't cry. He very nearly did, but he didn't. His brothers saw that he was close to shedding tears, but not once did they fall.

Not even when he was broken down and tired and sick and couldn't do anything, he never once cried. To him, crying was for the weak. He wouldn't dare cry, if only to remain strong for his precious younger brothers. He made sure of that.

When he was in high school with his younger twin brother and their little brother was still in middle school, he met a boy named Antonio. Antonio was cheery, popular, a hit with the ladies, and so terribly, utterly, _annoying_. Lovino hated him when he first saw him, especially when he insisted on being his best friend.

Over time, Lovino grew attached to him. Every little secret and every little detail about his life was told to Antonio, and Antonio accepted it all. They were best friends, and later on, they became even more.

Until one day, that all changed. Antonio broke up with Lovino after a fight, and that was the end of that relationship. Antonio never told anyone anything about Lovino's life, and occasionally he would still tackle him in flying hugs, but they weren't as close and as perfect as they used to be.

Perhaps that hurt Lovino a little bit, but what really got to him was when Antonio got a girlfriend. Not even a boyfriend, but a _girlfriend_. Her name was Emma, and she was a beautiful Belgian exchange student. She and her brother, Lars, also happened to have been Lovino's childhood friends. This hurt more than anything else, but Lovino didn't tell Emma about his previous relationship, nor did he blame her.

So time went on. Lovino glared every time he saw Antonio, but if Emma was there, he'd greet her with a smile. He felt that pain in his chest every time he saw Antonio give Emma a loving kiss. He would support Emma through any hardship she went through with Antonio despite the past relationship he had with him and the feelings he still had for him.

Never once did he let tears slide down his cheeks.

* * *

><p><span><em><strong>I don't know why I started writing this. This just happened. This is going to be a two-shot, but I already have the second part written, so this will be complete. This is shorter than all the other stuff I write, but it's not supposed to be long, it's supposed to be angst. Please review! I would love to see what you guys think.<strong>_


	2. Unless For A Precious One

In Lovino's third year of high school, two transfer students came. They were Matthew and Alfred. Lovino didn't like Alfred much, but Matthew was okay in his opinion. He liked talking to him. He wasn't loud like all the other bastards in the school.

Matthew had quickly turned from an acquaintance to a friend and then to a best friend. At first, being best friends with Matthew scared Lovino. He didn't want what happened with Antonio happen with Matthew. He wouldn't dare say that he valued Matthew's friendship, but it was true.

Seeing Lovino's reaction to Emma and Antonio, the supposed "star couple" of the school, made Matthew wonder what had happened. He confronted him about it, and after weeks of pestering, finally learned the truth.

Matthew was angry about what happened, and as much as he wanted to blame Emma (his eternal rival in the battle of Pancakes vs. Waffles), he knew it was really Antonio's fault. He was quick to assure Lovino that, even if they did end up falling in love, they wouldn't end up like that. Lovino was skeptical at first, but eventually, he reluctantly accepted it.

As time went on, Lovino noticed a change. Alfred would stop greeting his brother in the hallways, Matthew's parents would forget to pick him up from school, and even the teachers occasionally marked him absent when he was right there. It seemed like the only one who noticed Matthew anymore was Lovino.

Matthew was becoming depressed, and Lovino knew it. However, he didn't say anything until he knew it was getting bad. Such as the time when he saw the bandages on his friend's wrists.

He was majorly upset and wanted to know why Matthew didn't talk to him before even considering doing such a thing. He knew what was going on was bad, but he thought that Matthew surely would have known that he was there for him? Apparently not. Nonetheless, he didn't cry, only asked "Why?"

Lovino thought everything had been solved. Matthew talked to him a lot about his problems, and Lovino confronted everyone about their behavior towards Matthew. Everything should have been solved.

Until one day, Matthew didn't come to school.

That was strange, because Matthew didn't get sick often. He asked Alfred, but he only shrugged in reply. So Lovino went to his house after school to check on him. He knocked on his bedroom door and waited, but there was no reply. Eventually, he got tired of waiting and opened the door…

Only to find that there was no one inside.

He searched desperately. Perhaps Matthew was just playing a trick on him. Then he saw a letter neatly placed on top of Matthew's desk.

He frantically tore it open and read through it. On it was every little thought that Matthew had since everything had begun to change. There were messages for everyone and that Matthew had been planning on suicide for a while now. At the very end was his message to Lovino. He said sorry and that he loved him, but he never told him in fear of losing his friendship with Lovino just as Lovino had lost his friendship with Antonio. He said that the only reason he survived this long was because of his help, but he just couldn't take it anymore after his parents kicked him out of the house at 3 AM, thinking he was a robber. He told him that he would be found in the river near the forest below the short bridge and by the time they would read the letter, he would be long dead.

Lovino stood there in shock, and when Matthew's parents and brother came up to check on them, he started screaming and shouted at them, blaming them and everyone else in the world for what had happened to him. His twin brother had to be called by the neighbors in order to stop him from killing all three of them.

The funeral was held three weeks later. Not many people attended it, and even fewer people cried. Lovino was called up to talk about Matthew, and in the middle of it, he started shouting at everyone and blaming them all over again. Then he broke down as soon as his voice ran out.

That would be the only time he would ever allow himself to cry.

* * *

><p><span><em><strong>And part two here should us that Lovino cares more for Matthew than he did for Antonio. This does not address his feelings for Matthew, but he actually did not have any romantic feelings towards Matthew at all. He only felt friendship and a brotherly love for him, but would have been willing to try a relationship with him. Maybe he would have eventually fallen in love with Matthew, but we will never know. And again, please review! I like to hear other people's opinions.<strong>_


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